PHILADELPHIA 06 FESTIVAL REPORTS

Mike Smith

The Backseat Film festival kicked off with a literal bang when the opening ritual of smashing the rejected submissions kicked off an orgy of alcohol and entertainment which was not confined completely to the screen, some of it was on the floor. I ran the door and passed out beers and shots on Tuesday night. The evening was pretty cool as I recall we sold out that night and everyone was in high spirits in both senses of the word. I took more shots than Kobe Bryant so focusing on the previews of Re-Penetrator and XXXorcist were difficult and punishing. Wednesday evening was the premiere of the Janitor and the first film my brain could process. I dug it and it scared me in that something like a crazy homicidal Janitor running loose and impaling people with plungers could really happen one day so I bought a copy for protection.

Thursday six p.m. rolls around like it always do and I pulled up to a front row seat and watched Pot Zombies. I thought that while, yes, I can relate to this film, or at least the title, why wasn’t this like the first ever underground flick ever made? I almost missed my Prom. The short film Portal was hot though. Real class act all the way. If it doesn’t get an award I’m gonna protest something. Go see it! The Voice Inside is the type of movie you think your gonna see when your best friend says “dude I got this jamming tape” but then it turns out to be a home video of his younger brother dancing to Madonna’s “Dress you up” while whirling about in your grandmas best funeral dress with a Joan Crawford makeover. Yes, that’s sick but Voice Inside is like six days out of school sick. I can really for real say that after viewing it I see everything in the world differently. You got to see it or you’re cheating yourself.

The Rock and Roll Double feature riffed on the career of The Real Kids a legendary Boston Punk band. Even though the French was all about them I still dug the music. John Felice was the front man who was also in The Modern Lovers with Johnathan Richman. Dude was twisted but the documentary really not all about spreading his personal business, “it’s all about the music man”. Addiction does manifest itself in the second of the double features with the fifties inspired Rock and Roll Eulogy, the story of a high school transfer looking for a clique and an identity. Packed with fly honeys, surf rock, petty theft, ass tattoos, dinner rolls, girl on girl fisticuffs, nuns, switchblades, bloody murder, and a Rock and Roll Jam session in Hell, there is something for everyone, except newborns.

As the weekend hit we continued to see thick crowds of moviegoers and hard drinkers. We housed six hundred beers in two days and in that time I estimated about eighty five, let’s say one hundred. One hundred that’s including the staff and interns in the total in two days drank six hundred beers that’s six beers a piece each day which is no small feat considering people were only in the theater for two and a half hours tops. I’m not even going to mention all the rum; there was so much of it pouring all over the place in people’s mouths, my mouth, and the floor. The floor was a total embarrassment it can’t hold its liquor, the floors all being jerky not standing down just being stubborn I couldn’t take it anymore so I hit it. The floor surprisingly didn’t put up that much of a fight so I head butted it and then came the black out. So don’t ask me about Die You Zombie Bastard cause I don’t know . Sorry.

Harry Knuckles and the Pearl Necklace was fresh cause It’s two hours of non stop hand to hand combat shot in Canada but it still look like New Jersey. Lee Gordon Demarbre is also a fresh dude cause he give you the fly honeys. I woke up in my bed that night at eleven forty seven, the last time I recall before that was nine. I lost two hours and forty seven minutes of my life on Friday March 3rd.

Saturday afternoon was a digital trip back home for me see I’m originally from Baltimore, MD and all the short and the Movie Livelihood were shot in Maryland. It was good see that there’s more going on back home than crack sales and violent crimes. The theme of the afternoon was all about zombies. Livelihood was about zombies on the grind just trying to live, ironically. I wanna shout out my boy Buckets. BUCKETS!! It’s good to see the Hives again you don’t see enough of them boys. I know people didn’t forget about them all they do is shout out their name every ten seconds.

It was so many shorts so I’m gonna take this back to old school mix tape days and give shout outs : Sillycon, Towson,MD comedy. The Dudes, that P Nazi, genius. The Kids of Whitney High do it ya’ll! Baby Pepper !! The epoxies, more like the E-sexies!! WeinerCop vs. Crockinator,. . brother cant feel everything. To everybody I forgot Peace and love yall I was drankin’ I see you next year!

Back to the films. What can I say about the Pleasures of the Damned? The honeys were fresh and it was shot in the woods just like The Blair Witch Project. Sunday brought about the last day of the festival and I wasn’t so happy about that but hell sometimes things just end. I saw a lot of ninja flicks it was like I was ten again watching the kung-fu marathons. The crowd was trim but they still tied on the silver bullets and took it to the max. A few couples were spotted making out so yeah we did our job. It was a great time over all and I got to see Half Price Sale starring my friend Krista D and Just cause she’s my friend doesn’t mean that that’s why I liked it. I liked it cause I got to see a top less woman covered in blood cry like a baby. But sicker than that was David Poplow’s Circle of Freaks which I now own. It has a pleasing scene of a freak with worms crawling in and out of his face.

Every night ended with an after party some I went to others I was to drunk to get into. The Johnny Brenda’s was cool cause I beat Doug In the taped arm wrestling competition but I lost to Yuko. If I said it was cause she cheated then it makes me sound petty, but whatever she cheated. At The Fire I danced and stage dived backward to a really cool band and spun Coach around in a wheel chair. Then management got freaked out and made us get rid of the wheel chair. Then Doug got lost, I tried to look for him but he moved to the gutter. I think I took my shirt off. Tri Tone was fresh the d.j. spun soul all night we drank more and chilaxed till two and then it came to an end.